Recovery and Alice’s Unique Path

Choosing her unique or what she calls an eclectic path to recovery from sibling sexual abuse came to Alice decades after the abuse was over. Alice took small tenuous steps to address the abuse within those years. Those steps were mostly a reaction to incidents arising within the volcanic environs of her extended family relationships and expectations to keep the facade of being a happy family going. Alice knew it was not a happy or healthy family. She did what she could to put healthy boundaries in place. Then she could get back on with her daily life until the next eruption occurred.

It felt good to be busy as a young woman, in her happy marriage and growing a loving family. Alice also felt good about having found her passion and capability to grow what would become an award-winning business. She felt good doing all those things, so why would any sane person want to unravel or risk cracking open at the seams with therapy? Alice knew there was much that needed to be addressed. It scared her to take that necessary step, so instead, she tried alternative therapies and hypnosis. They did help in what Alice has since come to refer to as her enough for now episodes of recovery.

However, the true recovery only began for Alice in her 50s when she was feeling ready to keep walking beyond each learning or each knowing that therapy showed her, no matter what hurts and memories arose. It was time, and she was incredibly grateful to have been referred to a therapist experienced in dealing with sexual abuse survivors. A therapist who also wanted to make a change in survivors’ lives because she herself had also experienced sexual abuse as a teen.

Alice came to therapy in her way.

She didn’t one day think it’s time and make the phone call for a referral from her GP. Alice always found her way of doing things in life and business. Young Alice’s intuition, resolve and courage continued to serve the adult Alice had become. She came to the healing path in three ways.

The first two were:

• investigating and reading all that she could find on the topic of incest and sibling sexual abuse from trusted and reliable sources; and
• learning the process of writing her memoir.

Both of those combined to rattle Alice to her core. She hadn’t considered that doing so would set off a minefield of deep emotions and memories. However, at the instigation of her husband one day when she was being rattier, more so than being rattled, he said: you need to go and speak to someone. This book writing is hard on you. So Alice found her way to begin opening up to recovery with a therapist’s professional support.

Alice is elated after many draft manuscripts and four years of healing. Her memoir, RESOLVE: a story of courage, healthy inquiry and recovery from sibling sexual abuse, will be published soon.

Writing RESOLVE gave Alice something she’d not known was a gift to herself.

Researching both written texts and listening to audio books allowed her personal growth and deep insights. Combining writing with incredibly worthwhile conversations with a therapist released Alice from the heavy feelings of the past. It also let her begin to find compassion and forgiveness for those who’d hurt her. All of three elements helped Alice to recover mind, body and soul. The additional gift of trusting the process, was that Alice would turn what happened to her into doing some good in the world.

Recovery from sibling sexual abuse is not something you can expect to realistically achieve in a six-pack of therapy appointments or by reading social media posts. There is more to recover from than the sexual abuse itself. Recovery, Alice came to accept, will be a lifetime process. She kept resisting that reality but had let that expectation of herself go. In its place, Alice found softness, realistic hope and peace and a knowing that she was being more her true self than she’d ever been.

One final point

One of the magic ingredients to recovery Alice experienced herself is what she calls “enough for now”. Life goes on, and where healing fits into that life may mean it will be years of small recoveries at a time. We may be ready to heal from some parts whilst we’re not yet ready to address others, or not just yet. In truth, healing from what seems small can be a huge leap forward. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge all the wins. Know when ‘enough for now’ is achieved.

There is no fixed recipe for our individual healing journeys. However, all recoveries, no matter what size, are better and healthier than none.

RESOLVE: a story of courage, healthy inquiry and recovery from sibling sexual abuse is Alice’s story.

Due for release soon.

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Alice and her team are aware that the content of this website and RESOLVE may be triggering. You will find a short list of incredible organisations you can reach out to under the SUPPORT tab for help.