From Heartbreaking Realities to Realistic Hope

5Waves and the Global SSA Movement

I first learned of the Sibling Sexual Trauma website via LinkedIn. Then, I found 5Waves.org.

Initially, I was curious about why they had two separate websites. I didn’t ask at first, but I’ll share what I’ve discovered about that at the end of this blog. What I do know is that all their content is empowering and beneficial for anyone interested in learning about, or affected by, sibling sexual trauma or abuse.

Discovering the SSA Advocacy Community

Most of what I first learned about advocacy, activism, and current research surrounding sibling sexual trauma came from connections I started to make on LinkedIn whilst writing Resolve.

I connected with two lead researchers—Emma Rees from QUT and Stuart Allardyce in Edinburgh. Stuart’s work I cited in Resolve. Since its release, he cites sections of Resolve at conferences where he speaks to audiences of social workers across the UK. Who’d ever have thought that would happen! Amazing!

Emma was and still is an incredibly supportive ally in my mission of healthy inquiry, and when I reach out about new research, she’s quick to share links for me to explore. We then meet up to talk through the research and recommendations. Emma is currently the production assistant for the Blue Borage Conversation Cafes.

One day, I started noticing the people Emma and Stuart were connected to. I saw a post by Brandy Black, and that she used a pen name. Like I was about to do. That led me to begin a conversation with Brandy, the first of five co-founders of 5Waves.org—five women who, as their website states, are “real people who have felt real pain and are offering real hope.”

For over four years, I had been writing my memoir here in Australia, deeply engaged in research from both Australia and the UK and a little from the psychotherapists and organisations like RAINN and Darkness to Light in the USA. I was most encouraged to find that the UK was openly addressing the issue of sibling sexual abuse in both public discussions and published materials. Until meeting Brandy, I had only ever encountered advocates about child sexual abuse, or at least there was no one particularly standing out, or shouting out the words ‘sibling sexual abuse’, on LinkedIn. I had deleted my social media accounts for most of the time while writing and only recreated one when it was time for the release of my book, “Resolve.”

At the time I’d connected with Brandy, I was nearing the end of my manuscript edits. I was about to send the final version of “Resolve” for typesetting with the designer in April 2023, when I came across Nancy Morris’s inaugural #SiblingsToo Day launch on LinkedIn.  I attended the event and asked questions, such as, “What do we call them nowadays? Abusers? Perpetrators?” Nancy explained that for prevention or intervention work, the preferred term is “the person who harmed.” This insight allowed me to adjust some of the language in “Resolve,” keeping in mind that concerned parents would also be reading it. After that, the manuscript was out of my hands and with the designer!

Alone is Hard, Together is Better

In the few months between typesetting, proofreading and upload of the manuscript to the Ingram Spark and Amazon sites, I felt I’d come to a point in the writing and release phase where I intuitively knew that I would not continue this work alone. That’s a lonely place to be! After being on a solitary mission for so long, I understood that it is neither healthy nor as productive as collaborating with others on such a significant issue as sibling sexual abuse.

I saw that one of the co-founders of 5Waves, Jane Epstein, was writing a memoir, and I later discovered that she had delivered a powerful and vulnerable TEDx talk about sibling sexual trauma. How had I missed that?

After launching Resolve in July 2023, I took a short break, mainly because our daughter’s wedding was the following month. I remember sitting down to watch Jane’s TEDx video on YouTube, where she stood on the red dot of the stage. I was in awe as I watched her bravely share a message that many survivors could deeply connect with. I reached out to connect with Jane via LinkedIn and she welcomed me graciously and put me in contact with all kinds of allies and groups in the USA.

Having connected with them, I was surprised that many of us had started ‘something big’ around the same time. ‘Started’ maybe isn’t the word. I believe we began taking baby steps towards that ‘something big’ many years before. I know for me my mission was first written in 2011. It just took until the years around Covid times, after I’d sold my company, in my 50s, to find the space to be ready to take action, speak up, and share my story alongside these others.

Most of us are women in our wisdom years—all coming from a compassionate and loving place, some in our 50s, others younger or more mature, but all committed to breaking the silence.

We are all working together, as a global movement, towards breaking the stigma and taking action on sibling sexual abuse.

Leaders in SSA & CSA Advocacy

Here are some of the key organisations I’ve come to know in the SSA space:

• 5Waves.org (USA) – A vital resource hub for SSA survivors, parents, and allies.
• Nancy Morris – As above, the Founder of the #SiblingsToo project and podcast in Canada.
• Ashley Scotland – CEO of Thriving Survivors in the UK.
• Elizabeth Sullivan – Founder of EmpowerSurvivors in the USA moderates a SSA survivor peer support group.

Plus, Jane Epstein introduced us to Jo Lauren – Co-founder of IncestAware, working to create an online ‘umbrella’ for incest awareness.

It has been six years since I began writing “Resolve.” Currently, there is no organisation in Australia solely dedicated to addressing sibling sexual abuse or trauma in an accessible manner. I am collaborating with remarkable advocates, authors, allies, researchers, and survivors. I believe we are in a time where local no longer matters so much. By connecting on a global scale and working together, we eliminate silo thinking, replication, and the outcomes we are seeking to achieve may be realised sooner.

I believe that it is lived experiences of individuals that will create a ripple effect across continents in the years ahead.

In a group training session I hosted back in January, we had a young trainer share, ‘Gen Z needs more wisdom, mentorship, a guide to walk beside them. Real people living and modelling what’s possible. We don’t need more information, we don’t need more concepts.’ I love it! That’s us.

5Waves & My Guest Blog

Back in November 2023, Brandy from 5Waves invited me to be a guest blogger on their Sibling Sexual Trauma website.

Brandy is a mother of siblings affected by SSA. When she read Resolve, she asked if she could share a poem I’d written within one of the chapters. Reading it was difficult for her as a mother, yet it deepened her compassion for the child harmed in her family.

👉 Click the orange button below to read my guest blog on Sibling Sexual Trauma.

While you’re visiting 5Waves, I encourage you to comment, like, or share the blog on social media. Additionally, please bookmark their site, share it on your social platforms, and explore the wealth of resources available. You never know when you might have the opportunity to offer realistic hope to someone by guiding them toward this invaluable organisation.

Why Two Websites?

Brandy shared the story of why 5Waves has both SiblingSexualTrauma.com and 5Waves.org:

“I bought the domain siblingsexualtrauma.com before I had met anyone else in 5WAVES. It’s a .com because I had no idea there would ever be an ‘org’ at that point. It was while looking for a survivor to vet the content (something I promised my child I would do) that I connected with Jane, then the others. We got that site online first. Then, once we incorporated as a 501(c)(3) and started to work together on a variety of things, we added 5waves.org as our organization site. There’s a lot of back and forth linking between the two. But overall, siblingsexualtrauma.com is for people who have already been personally affected by sibling sexual trauma, and 5WAVES.org is more about our organization and has general information about sibling sexual trauma/abuse for the general public.”

Both platforms serve different, equally important audiences, ensuring that survivors and their allies can access the specific support they need.

This movement is growing. Survivors are finding each other, and together with allies, we are making this an easier topic to speak about. We know that keeping what happened to ourselves served no one. Silence is not even healthy for the abuser. Speaking up, sharing resources, and offering support can make all the difference.

Let’s keep the momentum going.

Shared with love,

Alice