The Law of Detachment: A Loving Practice for Inner Peace
In my memoir Resolve, I shared a pivotal moment in my healing journey when my therapist, Rose, handed me a sheet of paper with instructions to practice daily. When I was in the final draft stages with my editor, Matt, he asked if I understood the science behind what Rose had shared with me — referring to this practice and another insight she’d given me about psychic daggers. Matt’s other occupation is as an alternative therapist. I replied, ‘I didn’t need to; I trusted Rose’.
While I wouldn’t describe myself as “woo woo,” I am heart-centred and intuitive, and I rarely question practices that feel worth trying. I believe it’s better to try something new than to remain stuck in cycles of worry and sleeplessness.
I keep the sheet of paper tucked into the inside cover of my journal. I was replacing the notebook in my journal this week and saw the folded sheet, and I thought I must share it. The practice did help me let go of what wasn’t serving me the first time I practised it. However, it’s something I still turn to when I find my mind obsessing over a relationship from the past or something that’s come up in healing.
As you read the instructions below, I encourage you to approach this with curiosity and openness. It’s not a quick fix but about committing to the process and observing its impact over time.
The Law of Detachment (by Paul Boulton)
For decades now, I have found that simply repeating the ‘Law of Detachment’ statement over and over can reduce the level of anxiety, stress and mental fixation on specific topics in a person’s life.
Our mind can easily become obsessed with issues that it thinks are a threat to our survival. The topics can include not having enough money, love, sex, food, space, rest etc. As it is responsible for our survival, our mind will keep bringing the topics to our attention, over and over again, resulting in anxiety and stress.
The purpose of recycling the topics over and over is to ensure that we do not stop thinking about the challenging issues in our lives as our mind attempts to come up with a solution to fix and address the issues.
The problem is that our mind gets so stressed, making sure that we focus on the fact that there is a threat and that there is little energy left for objectivity or clarity to respond to the issue. And so the stress of the topic creates its own stress, leaving us really messed up, overwhelmed, tense, anxious and exhausted!
This is where the Law of Detachment can be useful.
All you are required to do is list the primary areas of stress in your life. So, if you are worried about how a relationship is going, you could just insert the name of the person into the two spaces below and repeat the whole statement ten times.
If you want to remove the mental stress and anxiety related to specific people across your lifetime, which is useful, you could use it this way.
Firstly, I suggest you write out a list of people, including Mum, Dad, and family, then the first names of current and previous partners. Then, impactful children and relatives, people you have worked for or with, sometimes one might include a company name. The next categories are friends and people. You might find that once you get into it, your mind has assembled a list of 15 or so names that it has issues with. When you’re finished listing these names out put down your pen. You’ll keep this list to refer to during each of your practices.
Alice’s tip: I find it more powerful to say the Law of Detachment Statement out loud if you have the privacy to do so; however, it also works if you recite it silently. I do it with a gentle smile playing on my lips, into my cheeks and eyes, and holding one hand over my heart. It is a loving message, even though, at first, due to some of the names you’ve selected, it may not feel that way – be kind to yourself with this. The homework is to do this multiple times a day over a long while. It does take practice, and it does work, I promise.
Take a nice deep breath in through the nose
Insert your specific list into the two ‘…………’ spaces below and repeat at least ten (10) times a day.
‘I fully and freely forgive and release…………and let them go to their own and best happiness and…………fully and freely forgives and releases me and lets me go to my own and best happiness.’
You will quickly feel the magic of the full statement beginning to work. It starts changing gears and slowing down your mind. You’ll find that you feel calmer and more relaxed, and that will expand your capability to view your world from a higher place.
For best results, repeat this statement daily. It can improve how you feel about yourself and your life.
A Closing Note from Alice
The Law of Detachment is a loving gift to yourself and to all the people you may choose to add to your list whilst doing this exercise. It’s a way to release the mental knots that tie us to the past or bind us to fear. I’ve found that it calms the mind and also allows me to reconnect with my heart, my intuition, and my capacity for forgiveness—both for others and for myself.
Ten times a day may put you off. I have to be honest; the idea of 10 times a day made me go, WTF! But I chose times that made that work for me. In Resolve I ritualised the practice the first time I did it. Outside of that one practice, I had it written into my journal so I would open that and say the words very early in the morning, before breakfast, on my walk, and so on, leaving at least two times to be practised just before I went to sleep at night– it’s worth giving it a try.
Every time you take a deep breath and repeat this statement, you’re choosing peace over anxiety, clarity over confusion, and love over fear.
May this practice bring you the same sense of relief and strength it continues to bring me.
Other News
Work-in-Progress: This week, four survivor authors met for the first time face-to-face across the globe, planning out a series of conversations focused on our memoirs and the subject of the hidden taboo. These conversations will begin in January.
Check out the Eventbrite event via the button below. Because you’re in my community, you’re the first to know! I’m the Canva queen, so I’m just waiting for an update on the event cover art to include all four authors’ imagery.
Follow the event or book to be part of the first conversation listed for January.
Shared with love,
Alice
