Healthy Coping Strategies for Trauma Survivors

For May 2024, the weekly blog will be my answers to people’s questions via my Get In Touch form at www.aliceperle.com.au. We’ll begin with ‘What are healthy coping strategies for trauma survivors?’

1. Seeking Therapy: I saw a psychologist in my 20s to help me prepare to tell my mum I wouldn’t be spending Christmas with the family as my abuser brother was going to be there. That was helpful. It was a short set of sessions. I didn’t feel rapport with her, she was a little ‘snappy’ and so I didn’t return. Professional therapy, for me, began with alternative modalities then clinical hypnotherapy. However, it was in my 50s I finally walked into a psychologist’s office when writing Resolve set off my PTSD and I was unravelling. Thankfully the psychologist specialised in working with survivors of childhood and sibling sexual abuse. She was also a survivor. I soon built trust with her, and found I needed paced, monthly, long-term therapy. We talked, or she’d seed an opening to speak about an element that may need exploring, and I cried a lot. I’d process and observe what was going on for me between sessions and continue opening up and healing the wounds. I’ve been in talking therapy monthly now for five years, alongside the four years of writing. I feel like I’ve released a lot of my past, yet I’m conscious it can be something small that will have me experience heavy emotions, so I feel I can be with those emotions, acknowledge what’s going on, and come back to myself sooner and more easily now.
2. Other Professional Therapies: Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) can provide valuable tools and support for processing trauma and developing coping skills. I know many survivors who found one or more were needed and helped them to move forward. I have not done any of these. I am an NLP practitioner and hypnotherapist and have appreciated these modalities delivered to me, not just by me, over extended periods. Early on in my return to healing, I did some therapy I have never found the name of. It related to releasing the trauma and stuck emotions from parts of my body – it could possibly be kaytoning or katoning, as I say, I cannot recall and couldn’t find it on a Google search- I just know it was painful, and the emotions got unstuck as did bucketloads of tears.
3. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce stress, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts, promoting a sense of calm and well-being. All of these are part of my weekly morning, afternoon or bedtime routine.
4. Physical Exercise: Engaging in regular physical activity, whether it’s yoga, jogging, swimming, or simply going for a walk, can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, improve sleep, and boost overall mood. For me, some days or weeks, I could be in a dark mood, and the idea of physical exercise made me feel hollow or as immovable as a boulder! So, over time, I made it more about healthy movement, being joyful, and happy hormone activating. Hiking in nature or walking with a great playlist; getting away for a few days to be in national parks without a playlist, but being present to new bird sounds as we walk for hours. At home, I will not sit at my desk to work until I’ve completed a BodyGroove dance session via the reasonably priced BodyGrooveOnDemand annual membership. I open that on the big TV screen, the instructor leads a room full of people, so I’m not even dancing alone! My days are happier and lighter, and my mind is clearer every day I do this. Sometimes, I could even tear up as I started the groove sessions, but the tears would dry up and be replaced with a smile when prompted by the instructor. Their message is strong – self-love, appreciate your body, no rules, just be yourself. It might be a groove session for as little as 15 minutes, not always 30 minutes. Just move!
5. Creative Expression: Expressing emotions and experiences through creative outlets such as art, music, writing, or journaling can be therapeutic and empowering, providing a safe way to process feelings and gain insight into one’s experiences. That’s mosaic art for me. Writing Resolve taught me about writing; I wasn’t a born writer, aside from writing a lot of material for my healthcare organisations. Before that, I’d found journalling. During and after these creative pursuits, my mind is always quieter, and I’m much more present in my other activities.
6. Establishing Boundaries: Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships and daily life is essential for protecting oneself from further harm and maintaining emotional well-being. These can be a constant battle when we’re used to being the ‘good girl’ and not upsetting family dynamics. I became Australia’s first certified facilitator in personal empowerment based on the bestselling book The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) by David Emerald. I recommend reading it as a foundational piece before my clients move into coaching or facilitations. The book is available on Amazon and Audible. However, please contact me via the Get In Touch form if you’d like to gain access to other levels of online self-directed programs or facilitated discussions. My certification gives you access to a discount on the retail price. It is life-changing work.
7. Connecting with Supportive Relationships: Building and nurturing supportive relationships with friends, family members, support groups, or online communities can provide validation, empathy, and a sense of belonging. The breakaway from family of origin can be painful so I found I had to shift my focus to what relationships are nurturing. I found one simple exercise that helped me initially establish who are my tribe. It’s from Robin Sharma, whom I speak of in Resolve. He calls it the Joy as a GPS Worksheet. It’s not mine to share here; however, I would be happy to quickly buddy up with you for a 30-minute learning session if you reach out via the Get in Touch form.
8. Self-Care and Self-Love: Prioritising self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, practising good hygiene, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation can help foster resilience and overall well-being. ‘Bring joy and relaxation’ are the keywords here. As survivors of SSA, we also might want to explore what we missed out on at the beginning of our shift towards womanhood – that is, understanding pleasure and intimacy – not the physical act, but getting to know ourselves and love ourselves better in this way. I speak with vulnerability about this aspect in Resolve. We need to look after ourselves and love ourselves first.
9. Educating Oneself: Learning about trauma, its effects on the brain and body, and available resources and treatment options can empower survivors to understand their experiences and take proactive steps towards healing. I had no idea how beneficial reading all the research, textbooks, and psychotherapist’s books would be! I was writing a self-help draft as my first version of Resolve. In that first draft, the instructor said to add some facts or stats to back up what I was writing about in each chapter. I started looking for facts and stats through credible organisations, and I just kept reading and asking myself what else do I want to know about… because there was so much I didn’t know. Then I’d go and find out. The researchers are so helpful, too – I was in touch with some of these people in Australia and the UK, and they were more than happy to send me links to new research papers as they were published. Knowledge is power!
10. Grounding Techniques: Grounding techniques, such as focusing on the senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell), or using grounding objects (eg. stress balls, weighted blankets), can help manage dissociation, anxiety, and flashbacks. In my work as a facilitator, we have a simple practice called ‘Name 5 Red Things. Learn to pause, look around, and name 5 red things when slipping into drama. The brain is then occupied by counting and distinguishing the colour red (and it can be any colour). As we do that, our brain’s prefrontal cortex overrides the part of our nervous system that sustains the drama.
11. Engaging in Meaningful Activities: Engaging in activities that provide a sense of purpose, meaning, and accomplishment, whether volunteering, pursuing hobbies, or setting and achieving personal goals, can foster a sense of agency and empowerment. At the SiblingsToo Day live launch in April, one of the experts, Kieran McCartan, asked three questions. These three questions might guide a journalling exercise if you’d like. He asked:
    • What are you interested in learning about?
    • What are you interested in supporting?
    • What are you interested in preventing?

Quite often, trauma survivors adopted unhealthy coping strategies that got them by when no one else was there for them, or when they felt that it was that way. It’s a feeling of being alone or being the only one.

I choose to thank my old, unhealthy coping strategies and even current ones when they try to give me comfort and peace. However, most of those unhealthy coping strategies do not often connect with our personal values and are taking away from us, numbing us, more so than giving us what we really need.

As I close out on this topic, I’d like to say, be conscious and kind to yourself regarding your readiness to change.

This is a critical component, or it was for me, as a trauma survivor, knowing I needed to drop an unhealthy coping strategy that had been helpful for a very long time. What will that change mean to us if we no longer have that unhealthy coping strategy there as a crutch to hold onto? In Dr James Prochaska’s Changing to Thrive, you can read more on readiness for change.

It’s important for trauma survivors to explore and experiment with different coping strategies to find what works best for them and to seek professional guidance and support when needed. Exploring them with curiosity and asking questions is the key.

My blog is published weekly at: www.aliceperle.com.au/blog and you may subscribe to receive the weekly article directly to your inbox.

With love,

Alice