Healing from Within: Dr Gabor Maté’s 7 A’s of Healing

In my journey of healing from sibling sexual abuse and reclaiming my voice, I stumbled upon Dr Gabor Maté’s profound insights in his book “When the Body Says No – the cost of hidden stress.” His concept of the 7 A’s of Healing resonated deeply with me, as it perfectly mirrored the stages I traversed in my own recovery process.

Acceptance:

The first step towards healing is acknowledging the reality of our past experiences with compassion. By accepting how things were back then, we pave the way for a more compassionate relationship with ourselves.

Awareness:

Reclaiming our capacity for emotional truth recognition is crucial. By embracing both the good and not-so-good parts of our past, we empower ourselves to move forward and initiate change.

Anger:

Repressing anger can have detrimental effects on our well-being. Dr Maté highlights the importance of expressing our anger healthily, understanding that it’s better ‘out’ than ‘in.’

Autonomy:

Asserting ourselves openly and developing an internal locus of control are essential aspects of reclaiming autonomy in our lives. The key is to recognise that we are the priority in our own journey.

Attachment:

While social connection is vital, setting boundaries that ensure our safety is equally important. Balancing our need for connection with maintaining healthy boundaries fosters a sense of security.

Assertion:

Declaring to ourselves and the world that we are enough as deeply ingrained beliefs about our worth challenge us. It’s about embracing our being, regardless of external validation.

Affirmation:

Making positive statements and moving towards values that resonate with us is paramount. Honouring our creative selves and our connection with the world facilitates healing and wholeness.

Outside of writing Resolve, I am a coach and facilitator in self-leadership. In my coaching of those seeking to thrive beyond the survival of sibling sexual abuse, the aspects of Autonomy, Attachment, Assertion, and Affirmation represent a forward-focused vision. In my coaching, we focus on what we do want, not on what we don’t want.

Perhaps we need to strengthen our skills in establishing healthy boundaries and exploring new ways of communicating confidently. Whether we want to immerse ourselves a lot or take baby steps, any of this work will be impactful. Please reach out to discuss coaching if it’s something you’re ready for.

However, the initial stages of Acceptance, Awareness, and Anger may require the support of therapists or other professionals trained in healing past traumas.

I used to wish there was a magic pill!

I went to huge personal development events imagining I’d come back changed, fixed, incredible, and leave all of this behind me.

Then I found writing and that made me walk towards therapy. Realistic hope replaced wishful thinking.

Mostly, it’s about our readiness for change, to walk towards healing. None of us are the same. All our journeys will be different, so give yourself compassion and ask yourself regularly, ‘Am I ready? What is coming up for me right now?’

Me and Dr Maté

In 2021 I had torn apart the initial self-help style of manuscript. It had helped to make me think what would be helpful to others, but it wasn’t a self-help book. It had also shown me so many facts and stats that I knew how big the issue of sibling sexual abuse was on a global scale.

I decided to make it more chronological and incorporate topics like disclosure within the flow of my life story. That is how it is set out now in the released format. However, what I hadn’t known was Dr Maté’s 7 A’s. I read that book then looked at the draft Resolve. That was in 2021, and I had the biggest epiphany – it was as if those 7 A’s overlaid the Chapters of Resolve. What I’d intuitively decided was going to be the format of Resolve, was me having followed Dr Maté’s 7 A’s even before I knew of them!

In Resolve I hope to offer fellow survivors a roadmap for their healing journey and to validate and support those who have not yet found their voice. Together, we can navigate the complexities of recovery and emerge stronger, empowered, and whole.

Together is an important word I’ll end on.

Outside of therapy, I tried to go this path alone. Yet, since I released Resolve, I was invited to join a peer support group for survivors like me. I had looked at one other, but it didn’t feel like it was moderated, and people were over-sharing. I didn’t know if they were even really survivors! Who knows.

The peer support group I have joined is very well moderated and has the founders and leaders of organisations 100% focused on sibling sexual abuse, other authors and advocates like me. All of us are survivors. You can share anonymously if you’d rather do that. It is a compassionate community that holds space for all the kinds of questions that are niggling at us.

Know that you are not alone.

Sibling sexual abuse isn’t a new thing. Unfortunately, it has been happening forever. I know my one shared story will not stop it. My story, in Resolve, will contribute to the bigger movement. Together, we will break the silence. That’s what will help professionals develop frameworks for prevention and strategies to care for survivors who feel so alone.

Resolve is a book written from a place of love. That feels good and like I have fully honoured Young Alice and the woman I have become by committing to the process that I did.

My blog is shared to Goodreads as they are published and are available here: 

https://www.aliceperle.com.au/blog.

You can find Dr Maté’s book in audio format (that’s how I read it), paperback, or Kindle eBook here.

With love,

Alice

Resolve: A Story of Courage, Healthy Inquiry, and Recovery from Sibling Sexual Abuse is now available globally on Amazon and all online bookstores. Libraries and bookstores can order copies. Please follow me on Instagram and Facebook. The audiobook is also now available via over 50 audiobook sites. Read more about the author and check out some of the reviews here.