To me, becoming an author means…
The Hay House Writing Community program journal prompt was: “To me, becoming an author means…”. I set a timer and wrote in a stream of consciousness for seven minutes in my journal without lifting my pen from the page:
To me, becoming an author means I will have a base for whatever else I can do in the future towards shattering the silence surrounding sibling sexual abuse. Survivor stories are important to inform change. I could choose not to write, to keep silent and that doesn’t serve me or any other survivor. I know what I came to learn about sibling sexual abuse helped me and it will help others. It let me feel like light was shining in through the cracks of the dark tunnel I sometimes felt I was finding my way along, to break down the feeling of being alone. It helped me see there was so much more to this type of abuse than I had ever pictured. I’d felt alone so long, and the thoughts that would only rattle around inside my head felt silly to share out loud, but they didn’t stop swirling around and around – it was suffocating me. The more I looked the more I found and by me becoming an author, shaping a book the best I can to help others, weaving in the information I learned, mixed with my own experience and recollection, I feel that’s the key – there is magic in that mix, I know it. To me, becoming an author is not about becoming an author, as a title, to add to the roles I am. I’ll be happy to have written this book, to have authored it into a read-worthy format that one other person picks up and can relate to, to let them know they are not alone. Also for a mother or father to know that they are not alone in having been played, having been groomed by a manipulative child they had no idea could do such things to the other children in their family. To give them pause and allow them to take the parental responsibility to support a survivor more, to apologise if they’ve not been there for them, and assure them they will be now and will always be in the future when needed. For others in our community to be more aware, have the conversations, know what will harm and what will help in terms of dialogues. To accept that it’s very real and that, no, it is not normal childhood behaviour. There is a line between what is and what is not normal childhood sexual behaviour. If my book can inform enough so that we can drill down to how do we stop that child who abuses from stepping over the line the very first time that they go to touch or do whatever they plan to do to their sister or brother, that gives me goosebumps. It’s about taking a reader forward towards what’s possible, by going back briefly, using my story as a safe vehicle for that journey. We need to reflect to learn and grow. It starts here. Now. To me, becoming an author, gives me realistic hope that someone will say ‘No, I will not hold the silence. I’m going to raise the lid on my family’s history and have conversations that will help us all, help me, and those I love’, be that person a survivor or a family member of a survivor.
From Alice’s handwritten journal notes in 2021 to clarify her vision for writing a memoir.
