The Gift of Receiving
I would like to share one example of the gift of receiving I experienced in my book writing journey. It occurred in 2020 when Nikki Creber, a wise woman and now a very good friend, leaned in as I shared with her that I was trying to process a recent epiphany about abandonment.
I’d just been a guest on Nikki’s radio show that evening. At the station’s reception desk, Nikki pulled out her scheduler, turned a few pages and said very matter-of-factly, ‘You need a ceremony, Alice.’
She tapped her pen on the page and smiled, ‘Leave it with me.’
‘Okay,’ I replied blankly.
There was nothing else I could say. I didn’t question it. I chose to allow myself to be guided.
As a child I was wary of receiving, wondering what was expected of me in return. As an adult I felt that way for a long time as well, but now I pause and respond rather than react as I would have back then.
Nikki, along with Tina Kirkham Smith, owner of Akiki Spinal Flow, and a healer, decided on the best time and date to arrive at my house for the ceremony. That best time and date was on a Sunday in a few weeks to come, based on a specific astrological time and date.
I received a text message the day before, which gave a list of tasks and reflections for me to do in order to be properly prepared prior to their arrival. The ceremony’s title was ‘Triumphant Passage from Pain to Powerful Purpose.’ I thought it sounded promising, especially since I was coming towards the deadline of the first draft of the book.
The intention of the triumphant passage was centred around the need to be prepared for what the publishing of the book would require from me in terms of bravery, strength and determination to achieve its highest purpose.
The two women arrived with boxes and travel cases full of colourful cushions and fabrics and ceremonial objects to create an altar; candles, oils, homemade balm and musical instruments. At first, I was a little nervous on two fronts:
- one being that we hadn’t discussed a cost for the ceremony, though I let that worry drift away, aware that I would have been told if there was a charge; and
- the other was the idea of taking a sacred cacao drink to drop me into a meditative state.
The latter rattled my trauma-mind a little, as I wondered what the exact ingredients were. I managed to shake it off and laughed. You’re okay with woo woo, Alice, it’s safe, I assured myself. It was enough. I relaxed and sipped and settled.
I became quiet and did not question these two women in my home for the next three hours as I experienced a gift of ceremony. A ceremony which, in the lead healing woman’s words, was intended to:
Clear a new path, a passageway for me, to allow me the strength to identify and to bring with me all my hard-won wisdoms, that edify and clarify the harrying path to get here. Through delivery into my story, my book is needed and desired, making cathartic action possible for me and for others. Freeing spirit and creativity to wend wondrous things and paths into the future.
Nikki Creber
Through my openness to experience this ceremony and kindness I finally realised how much I needed to receive this kind of support:
- I had only been aware of the importance of writing the story out of me as an act of self-love.
- After that, putting the story into the hands of other survivors was equally important in helping them on the path to healing.
- Finally, to raise awareness within the community and help others understand what might be behind their loved one’s behaviour.
I hadn’t taken into account that I might traverse rocky paths in the sharing of the story and the work to be completed ahead of me: that was much bigger than the book publication date I had been trying to achieve.
At the end of the three hours, Nikki gave me a card reading, with a message that:
This work is my work, beyond coaching. The work has served to allow me to come into my full potential and knowing that I am enough. It was now time to release myself from the old shackles of ego and business and move towards my higher purpose.
I received that message and didn’t question those words. I just sat with them to reflect on later.
In the week following the ceremony with the two healing women, I felt at peace.
There wasn’t anything extraordinary or magical; it didn’t feel like I was enlightened. It was a grounding, clarifying feeling. A gift I gratefully received.
I knew I needed to acknowledge the book was more than just me. Was I being called upon to bring my bravery to the fore, to do the work, the beginning of which would be the finalisation of the book? Yes. I had to gather up my energy and remain focused on my intention for the book.
My daughters and husband, the therapist, editor, a support crew of friends and peers regularly and gently guided me back to what I’d said I wanted to achieve. Any time I came up with a shiny new distraction I’d like to study, learn, create, do, be, they’d stop me in my sparkly distracted state with a pointed, ‘How’s the book coming along?’
Yesterday, Wednesday 5th July 2023, I gifted Nikki two paperback copies of Resolve, three years since that ceremony. She commented I can feel that your energy is lighter. You’re resting now. Let yourself rest ready for what’s next.
I feel that.
This morning I wrote thank you notes to people who made an impact on my life during the time of writing Resolve. They’re people who don’t know me, whose work makes a difference to people finding their way to recovery from child or sibling sexual abuse. It was that kind of morning.
When I was posting those away, I collected a beautiful gift box from our PO Box. It contained Pure Love (to encourage compassion) from Alex of Soul Intimacy whom you’ll meet in the pages of Resolve. A rose aura cleansing spray with rose quartz, along with a delicate pair of gold and rose quartz heart-shaped earrings. A congratulations present for coming to the release of the book. It made me cry. It was a beautiful gesture and I did realise I need to be quiet for a moment.
Right now I am surrounded by a beautiful scent to write this post.
This week, I’m feeling as if I’ve taken an observer’s seat watching what’s happening in the world. I’ve slowed down. I’m taking time to respond to what’s showing up. So much doesn’t hold any meaning anymore – in a good kind of way.
In my personal life, what does hold meaning is a small circle of beautiful family and friends and my gorgeous new granddaughter whom I’ve fallen completely in love with. Celebrating what’s happening in our lives and our children’s lives is enough for now.
My mission moving forward outside of family and friendships is twofold:
- My income-producing purpose. The book writing did get in the way of that, without a doubt! I see that what’s coming will be me drawing on everything that’s authentically me. Bring that into my delivery of the work I am certified in and passionate about. I choose to deliver meaningful work to people seeking to find their truest selves. Doing so for themselves, the people they love and those they lead and serve will create as big a ripple effect of good as Resolve will do.
- Resolve’s journey beyond its release. Let go of any expectations of the book I created. It is going to go do the good it will in the world. I will not force that to happen. My job is to do my best to get it into one pair of hands at a time, and the right hands.
Doing so is requiring that I ask people for help.
My network is only so big. Yet, each person I connect with has networks and people I cannot reach as easily as they are able to. Some are already beginning to spread the word, pictures of them holding a copy of Resolve, with thoughtful comments, to people beyond my reach. That’s where the magic of Resolve is going to unfold.
Please join in that movement – it’s a gentle one – and one that feels good and is meaningful. Share what you can from my Instagram feed or from this website. Invite me to talk. Talk about what you’ve learned in reading or listening to Resolve (yes, soon it will also be on audible). Gift someone the book. Ask for the book to be added to a library or book store near you. Tell your therapist or doctor about it and ask for it to be listed as a resource for survivors of child and sibling sexual abuse.
Break the silence with me. It takes a village to raise children safely and to hold safe spaces for survivors to feel they can speak about their experience.
Collectively we will be contributing to:
- breaking the silence of sibling sexual abuse,
- educating adults; and
- aiding prevention of a child having to experience abuse in their homes today or in the future.
Join me over on Instagram or contact me using the form on this website if you’re not a social media fan. I’d love to hear from you.
May your day today begin and end with a moment or more of gratitude about what’s good in the world.
With love,
Alice
