Sibling Sexual Abuse Knows No Bounds
Sibling sexual abuse knows no bounds. The bigger picture of sibling sexual abuse is enormous. It is a universal taboo that has occurred in past and present generations, regardless of family, religion, financial status, or the community in which children are raised.
“The incest taboo is and has been one of the most common of all cultural taboos, both in current nations and many past societies.”
Emile Durkheim (Incest: The Nature and Origin of the Taboo) (tr.1963)
The first chilling statistic I found when I began scouring the credible websites of organisations focused on supporting survivors and preventing this form of abuse was the following by Gilmore (2017):
There were about 5.7 million children in Australia in 2016. It’s difficult to know for sure how many children are sexually abused, but best estimates put it at roughly 8 per cent of boys and 20 per cent of girls. Put all those numbers together, and you could fill the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) eight times over with children living in Australia right now who have been or will be sexually abused.
Gilmore J (5 July 2017). Domestic violence half-yearly update: the numbers we need to know. The Sydney Morning Herald.
Writing my story in the form of RESOLVE had met one of my long-term heartfelt missions.
In 2011 I’d written down the first draft of a life purpose statement that began with:
I will be a voice in the silent landscape of incest (sibling sexual abuse)…
The idea was to lend others hope that they were not alone. That was where that draft mission began and since evolved in the realisation that any story of a survivor would aid the prevention of this form of abuse. I also learned that recovery is possible.
Covid-time lockdowns left millions of children to return to the 70s/80s phenomenon called latch-key kids.
One news report in the United States shared that millions of children had become latch-key kids in 2020, as after-school programs shut their doors, and the remaining programs raised the prices or reduced available spaces. Dr Lynette Fraga, CEO of Child Care Aware, told the TODAY show that:
7.7 million children in 2020 who don’t have access to care and are left alone and unsupervised is undoubtedly a concern.
Kait Hanson, Source: TODAY 15 November 2021.
As I read that article, it confirmed what I intuitively felt might be one repercussion of covid. Yes, there was good news that parents were also locked down at home and that neighbours were more observant. That must have made some difference in some children’s lives. Still, I felt cold dread thinking about the opportunity for sibling sexual abuse to occur to many more children; and that abuse may continue as I’d experienced, for years.
It took far longer than expected to go from the first draft of the memoir manuscript to the final published RESOLVE. The bigger picture of this form of abuse kept me persevering to get to the day of publication as soon as I practically could.
The editors I worked with made me dig deeper, to share how the abuse I experienced could begin, continue, be stopped and what it really did leave behind in the aftermath.
I explored how it could happen in what was seen to be a happy family. One key element was that we were latch-key kids when our mother was working away from home and afternoons were not fun for three out of the four siblings in our household. The esteemed holder of the front door key of our home was, of course, the responsible eldest child of the family, the abusive brother who loved the hierarchical position he held within the family.
In the evolution of writing I found I needed to retrace my family’s past generations trying to understand how they operated. That showed me some of what I already knew but in a different light.
Piecing everything together left me feeling more whole and complete.
My resolve to speak up grew.
Everything I spent time and focus on seemed to give me more than one result.
Knowledge painted a clearer picture to share about sibling sexual abuse itself.
In doing this for myself, I would also unexpectedly find that what felt like layers of ice melted away, and I found more love and compassion for the men and women who were the guardians of my young life. I wasn’t blaming my parents or grandparents for not seeing what was happening in their homes. I could see that all they did was the best they could with what they had available within them and who they were. Not excusing them either, but finding acceptance that there is no changing the past.
At some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past.
Lori Gottlieb
We can change the present or the future for one other child.
Shared with love,
Alice Perle
Resolve: A Story of Courage, Healthy Inquiry and Recovery from Sibling Sexual Abuse is now available globally on Amazon, and all online bookstores. Libraries and bookstores can order copies. Please follow me on Instagram and Facebook. The audiobook is now also available via over 50 audiobook sites.
Alice and her team know this website’s content and RESOLVE may be triggering. You will find some incredible organisations Alice discovered whom you can contact under the NEED SUPPORT tab for help.
