Leading Through Unresolved Trauma: Frameworks for Founders
The next two weeks’ blogs are going to be my lessons learned and thoughts about unresolved trauma and leading a company! Something that I experienced and I know many others do too.
Starting and growing a company is a monumental task, often fraught with challenges that can be exacerbated by unresolved personal trauma. Many founders, like myself, have not had the chance, or been ready, to address deep-seated issues from our past before stepping into leadership roles. This can manifest in various ways, including difficulty in handling workplace drama and lacking effective communication skills.
One resource that I found immensely helpful during my leadership journey is the book “Leading from the Front: No-Excuse Leadership Tactics for Women” by Angie Morgan and Courtney Lynch.
The Challenge of Unresolved Trauma
When I first took on the role of a leader, I hadn’t yet sought therapy to heal from my childhood trauma. This unresolved trauma influenced my reactions to stress and conflict within the workplace. My responses were often dictated by a survival mode rooted in the fight, flight, freeze, and appease reactions that had developed in response to impending abuse. Without realising it, these reactions hindered my ability to lead effectively and maintain a healthy work environment.
The Power of Frameworks
During the years that our business grew from having, say, three staff members to 20 staff members across three regional offices, let alone our business being a labour-hire company that employed and paid upward of 700 people a year [hmm, that’s a lot of people], I found structured frameworks and leadership principles became my lifeline.
“Leading from the Front” provided actionable strategies that helped me navigate the complexities of leadership despite my unresolved personal issues.
Authors Angie Morgan and Courtney Lynch set out 10 guiding principles in their book as follows:
- Meet and Exceed the Standards You Ask of Others – Lead from the Front
- Make Timely Decisions – Find the 80 Percent Solution
- Seek to Take Responsibility Before You Begin to Place Blame
- True Leaders Dedicate Themselves to Service – Take Care of Those You Lead
- Think Before You Act – Especially Before You Overreact
- When Faced with a Crisis – Aviate, Navigate, Communicate
- Courage + Initiative + Perseverance + Integrity = Success
- Don’t Cry Over Something That Won’t Cry Over You
- Say You’re Sorry Only When You’re at Fault
- Always Lead as You Are
It’s with hindsight, and having done all the work towards creating Resolve alongside therapy, that I can now look back at my grasp of those principles and see just how difficult it is for a leader suffering from trauma to attempt to deliver on such principles.
I’ve split the principles into two lists based on how I see it now:
The Principles that Were Hard Because of Unresolved Trauma:
True Leaders Dedicate Themselves to Service – Take Care of Those You Lead
This principle was challenging because unresolved trauma often leads to a heightened focus on self-preservation, making it difficult to prioritise the needs of others effectively.
Think Before You Act – Especially Before You Overreact
Unresolved trauma can trigger impulsive reactions, making it difficult to pause and consider the best course of action before responding.
Seek to Take Responsibility Before You Begin to Place Blame
Trauma can lead to a defensive posture, making it challenging to accept responsibility and easier to shift blame onto others.
Say You’re Sorry Only When You’re at Fault
This principle can be difficult as unresolved trauma might cause a tendency to over-apologise due to low self-worth or, conversely, a refusal to apologise due to defensiveness.
When Faced with a Crisis – Aviate, Navigate, Communicate
Managing a crisis requires clear thinking and calmness, which can be compromised by trauma-induced anxiety and stress.
The guiding principles from the book that particularly resonated with me:
Meet and Exceed the Standards You Ask of Others – Lead from the Front
This principle helped maintain a high work ethic and set a positive example for the team, providing a sense of purpose and direction.
Make Timely Decisions – Find the 80 Percent Solution
Encouraged making decisions based on sufficient information rather than perfection, enabling progress and momentum even when dealing with personal challenges.
Courage + Initiative + Perseverance + Integrity = Success
These values helped push through difficult times, fostering resilience and a commitment to keep moving forward.
Don’t Cry Over Something That Won’t Cry Over You
This principle encouraged focusing on what matters and not dwelling on setbacks, which helped maintain a forward-looking perspective.
Always Lead as You Are
Embracing authenticity and leveraging personal strengths provided a stable foundation to lead effectively despite unresolved issues.
The Wisdom of Hindsight
I could have grown my company faster and more effectively to deliver far greater outcomes and profitability. Mind you, that was never my intention when I formed that company – it was meant to be a seachange business around my three young children. But I did grow a company that went far beyond what I’d envisioned. Beneath the surface, I was struggling with cPTSD symptoms and coping mechanisms, I didn’t even know were such things, whilst trying to keep a ‘calm, cool, collected’ leader’s focus – one of those societal masks I and others slip on.
I won’t beat myself up for ‘what I didn’t do’; it blows me away now that, like so many other survivors, I achieved the growth of a company recognised by local and state awards, a quality service provider of staff to organisations across Australia. Then I set it up for acquisition by a competitor for the price I envisioned. In hindsight, some of young Alice’s resolve, ideation and tactics had come along for the journey!
Moving Forward
Later, after selling my company, I came across TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) and the 3 Vital Questions (3VQ) principles and frameworks. Guiding principles and healthy mindset-inspired frameworks like these can help you maintain momentum and drive your company forward, even as you work through personal challenges. They help you see what’s going on beneath the surface for yourself and for your people – see it so clearly that it becomes hard to unsee what’s going on and hopefully take healthy steps forward.
Regarding my advocacy work, I want to talk to survivors about personal empowerment and facilitate programs based on TED* and the 3VQ. Survivors are school teens, TAFE and university students, business leaders, and people working in every kind of organisation. I dream of using my certification in TED* and 3VQ, alongside lived experience and professional coaching, to empower leaders, teams, and survivors, transform workplaces and make them feel more inclusive. More will be shared about that another time.
For those who have yet to address their trauma, these guiding principles and frameworks provide a valuable structure to lean on. However, it’s equally important to acknowledge that relying solely on whatever tool or framework you find is not a long-term solution. Use them to reach out to, grab hold of when you need them, and pull yourself up to stand as tall as you can on solid ground. That’s helpful. Seeking professional help to address and heal from past trauma is crucial for sustainable personal and professional growth.
Conclusion
Running a company while managing unresolved trauma is undeniably challenging, but with the right guidelines, practice, tools, frameworks and support, it is possible to navigate these difficulties successfully. Books like “Leading from the Front” and “The Power of TED*” are invaluable starting points. They offered plain English, practical, actionable strategies that helped me see myself more fully and gave me insights that allowed me to pause before reacting and make conscious choices towards the outcomes I seek, whether that is in business or my personal relationships elsewhere.
Putting off therapy and finding reasons like being a busy boss or not risking “falling apart” or losing face (or one of our societal masks), I believe, has detrimental effects and delays our healing – as it did mine. It is okay to seek help and take the time needed to heal. Your well-being is essential for the health and success of your business.
If you’d like to discuss bringing the facilitated programs to you, your family, your workplace, or an event, please contact me via my website. I’m happy to begin that conversation at any time, no matter where you are located!
Shared with love,
Alice Perle
Resolve is a memoir, storytelling, educational resource, and guide for all readers now and for future generations.
Experts in the field have told me that Resolve is ground-breaking. It is the first memoir written and released by an Australian survivor specifically focused on sibling sexual abuse. I’m happy to believe that and say thank you.
From the moment I picked up this book, I was fascinated by Alice’s story. Sibling sexual abuse is not easy to talk about, and while it was horrifying to read what older brother, Darryl, subjected Alice to, the book taught me what I need to know about this type of violence, and how best (or how not to) respond if a child or adult tells me that they experienced, or are experiencing it. Alice has inspired me to do what I can to prevent other children from being subjected to sibling sexual abuse, such as believing children who draw on deep courage to disclose and acting on their disclosure. More generally, we can all encourage open but sensitive conversations about what can and does happen in our homes, families and communities. Sibling sexual abuse is common, so we must be aware of this to stop it before it starts and improve our responses so that children are not left to suffer and protect themselves from this violence alone, as Alice was. Thank you, Alice, for having the resolve to share the story of young Alice and for inspiring me with your bravery and courage on the path to healing.
Emma Rees, Researcher, Child Sexual Exploitation, Queensland University of Technology
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