Embracing Resistance: How I Learned to Trust, Honour, and Love My Way Through Writing Resolve

💛 “We make sense, or fail to make sense, of our lives by the kind of story we can, or cannot, tell about it.” – Joseph Dunne

When I began writing Resolve, I had no idea how much resistance would become part of my process. I thought resistance was the enemy. A force pushing back at me, trying to stop me from doing what needed to be done. But as I’ve learned, resistance is deeply a part of us, and when approached with understanding, it transforms from an obstacle into an ally.

I remember the silence of my office as I wrote the first words of my manuscript. It wasn’t just physical silence; it was the kind that felt heavy, like a storm on the horizon. I’d write, pause, and realise I had just unlocked a memory I had never spoken about. I was walking back through my life, facing moments that had been tucked away in the depths of my mind and body.

Resistance greeted me often. There were days I froze with fear, unable to write another word. The little girl inside me, the child who endured sibling sexual abuse, was terrified. She feared that telling our story would threaten her safety, belonging, and love. But there was another part of me, the adult me, who knew that sharing this story could help not only me but countless others who felt as alone as I once did.

During this time, I found guidance in Kelly Notaras’ The Book You Were Born to Write and its chapter on resistance. Kelly’s gentle but personal message reshaped how I viewed the struggle I experienced, that had my stomach twisting in knots of anxiety.

As she so beautifully puts it: “Willpower is utterly powerless in the face of family loyalty.” The resistance I faced wasn’t a sign of failure—it was my inner child, working tirelessly to protect me.

The Breakthrough: Listening to Resistance

One of the most transformative exercises I practiced was connecting with my inner resistance, acknowledging it without judgment, and inviting it into a dialogue. I recorded myself speaking an NLP script that Kelly offered (NLP is a technique I deeply appreciate and am certified in as well). For weeks I found I needed to play the audio regularly. It was a reframing exercise, not about forcing the fear away. It was gentle, and guided me to embrace it, understanding what it wanted from me, and lovingly asking it to support me rather than hold me back.

Here’s the core message of that exercise, which I believe can help any survivor who dreams of sharing their story:

• Resistance is not the enemy; it’s a part of you that craves safety and love.
• Speak to it, honour it, and thank it for its service.
• Gently guide it to see that writing your story can bring healing, not harm.

I spoke to the scared little girl inside me, reassuring her that we could write this story together and still be safe. I acknowledged her fears, let her know they were valid, and promised her that we were not alone anymore. That connection between my adult self and inner child was the breakthrough I needed to keep moving forward. Noting that I did need to relisten to the recording many times. Resistance had been around far longer than my vision to be a voice in the silent landscape of sibling sexual abuse!

Moving Beyond the Blocks

For any survivor considering writing their memoir, you may already know this, but if you’re feeling uncertainty, the resistance we keep facing is not a sign to stop. It’s a signal to slow down, listen, and love yourself through the process. Tools like Kelly’s book, NLP exercises, self-love affirmations, meditations and visualisations, being out in nature, breathwork, and supportive communities are invaluable. They can help you navigate the moments when you feel stuck, unsure, or overwhelmed by the weight of your story or your bigger vision.

Writing Resolve was a journey of breaking down walls and building bridges within myself. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Each step I took, whether it was writing one paragraph or pausing to cry through a memory, or tearing up 25 pages and rewriting it from my heart or a place of wisdom I hadn’t tapped into for the first draft, was a step toward healing and reclaiming my voice.

Trust in your own journey.

Shared with love,
Alice Perle

Resolve: A Story of Courage, Healthy Inquiry, and Recovery from Sibling Sexual Abuse is available globally. Libraries and bookstores can order copies. Follow me on Instagram. I am also on Facebook if you are too. I’m mostly on Facebook to access peer support groups and other networks.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, where I’ll share that audio excerpt of The Walk-Through Helped (pp. 217-18). That blog idea somehow got lost in the wash with the Conversation Cafe kick-off in January.

This week’s community news:

Will you be joining us next week to listen to Jane Epstein as our spotlighted author at the Blue Borage Conversation Cafe?

It’s a global audience: So far, it’s a mix of attendees from the USA, UK, Portugal, and Australia. Even the people coming to the UK series panel session in the last week of February are still joining in the conversations of this original series.

Who’s coming?

Some of the same people who were there for the first session are joining us. Plus we have a nice mix of new attendees joining for the first time.

Their interest in the subject?

Lived experience survivors, authors and advocates, professionals who work in therapeutic services for children who have experienced sexual harm, case managers, the four authors – Jane, Diane, Maria and myself, national education managers, directors of research, therapists, parents of survivors, founders of advocacy organisations, and a variety of research friendlies we’ve met over the years.

All that said, if you haven’t registered but would like to be with us, here is the link to register on EventBrite.

If you missed the kick-off panel event we held in January, it’s being repeated again, so please feel welcome to join us there. Check out the timezones in the event details. I’ll share the link for that below: