The Knowing Moments
Have you ever had a moment where something deep within you just surfaced — a truth that you’ve always known but never fully acknowledged? In my healing journey, I’ve come to coin these as knowings. They are epiphanies, but they don’t come from an external spark; they come from within me, quietly waiting for the right time.
Healing, as many say, isn’t linear. I’ve heard this phrase so often that it almost feels like a cliché. But that’s the thing about healing — it’s unique to each of us, unfolding in its own way. My journey, much like my personality, has been eclectic. I’ve explored different modalities, weaving them together without realising how they’d one day connect, creating space for these knowings to emerge.
I shared some of these in Resolve, particularly the moment when I connected the word “abandonment” to an experience my younger self had carried but didn’t know how to name. That moment was a knowing — a truth that had been waiting inside me all along. When it surfaced, it was like the final piece of a puzzle sliding into place. It hurt. It was messy. And yet, once processed, it left me with peace.
But not all of my knowing moments have been shared before. There’s one that’s stayed with me, not articulated in writing — until now.
The Retreat: Dissolve
At 52, during a retreat in Italy titled Dissolve, I experienced one of the most profound knowing moments of my life. The retreat’s purpose was to dissolve what held us back — without force, without striving. Just allowing. The setting was serene, nestled in an organic vineyard with old sandstone buildings and a spa featuring a dark-green, chest-deep pool.
One of the exercises took place in that pool. We were partnered in groups of three, and each participant guided their partners to represent parental figures — one embodying the mother, the other the father. When my turn came, I wasn’t sure what to expect.
I laid back in the warm water, curling my toes around the pool’s edge as my partners supported me. I felt the glow of green light through my closed eyelids, the water gently cradling me. Without any conscious intention, I began moving into the foetal position. I didn’t plan it — it simply happened. I was both witnessing myself and fully immersed in the experience.
And then, suddenly, I wasn’t in that pool anymore. I was inside my mother’s womb.
A Dialogue Between Mother and Child
I could sense my mother’s anxiety, her overwhelming worries about how she’d manage three young children with little money and minimal support. I whispered to her, It’s alright. You can do this. I’m so little. I won’t be a burden. I felt her unease, but I knew she had strength. In the pool, tears streamed down my face, flowing into the water as I sobbed from a place so deep that it felt primal.
The women holding me didn’t know what I was experiencing, but their presence anchored me. When one of them started to move away, I instinctively reached out and held her arm. I knew I needed both parents. My mother needed my father. I couldn’t let him walk away.
The Gift of Knowing
The session ended with me still crying silent tears, leaning against the pool wall with my partners beside me. There was no need to explain. We each had our moments to process. Later, I sat with the healer and cried some more as we debriefed. I remember saying to her that it was a knowing. I felt empty yet light, sad but also in awe of the human mind and body.
This knowing wasn’t something new. It had always been with me. It was simply waiting for the right moment to rise, to be acknowledged, and to be released.
Walking the Vineyard Path
After the session, I took a long walk down the vineyard path. It was a daily ritual — walking alone, reflecting in the silence to where we were served a healthy feast of organic produce. That day, I felt an overwhelming gratitude for the path I had chosen. Life had led me here, through twists and turns, from Sydney to this vineyard in Italy, where I was finally ready to face this knowing and let it go.
Healing, I’ve come to understand, isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about creating space for what’s been buried to surface, to be witnessed, and to be set free. The eclectic path I’ve walked — hypnotherapy, walking over hot coals, retreats, coaching, therapy and writing — has all been part of that process. Each experience has been a stepping stone, a piece of a larger puzzle.
The Wisdom Within
We often underestimate the wisdom our bodies hold. We dismiss the whispers, the intuitive nudges, the memories that rise when we least expect them. But these knowings are gifts. They are the truths we’ve carried, waiting for us to pause long enough to hear them.
If you’ve ever experienced a knowing — whether through tears, a memory, or a sudden epiphany — trust it. Be with it. Love yourself in that moment. Don’t rush past it. Give it the space it needs. You might be surprised at what it can teach you.
What knowing moments have surfaced for you on your healing journey? I’d love to hear from you in the comments or through direct messages via the Contact Form. Here’s to holding space for these moments together more often as we keep sticking together in our resolve to break the silence surrounding sibling sexual abuse and all that it encompasses.
Shared with love,
Alice
Community News
I’ll share just one today – but first, thank you for the new reviews landing on Amazon. I’m a baby steps kind of gal. My mini-goal right now is to tip the Amazon.com (the US site) over the line into the 20s. It’s strange how there’s a different quantity of reviews to what is on the Australian or UK Amazon store sites, but I’m working with what they give me. If you take a picture with Resolve and add it with your review – it puts your review to the top of the review list. Just a little fun fact before I tell you the one news item!
The one news item is Jane Epstein, who will be our upcoming author spotlight at the Blue Borage Conversation Cafe. We’re close to ending the reservations for that event, and perhaps we will next week. If you’d still like to join us, follow this Link to EventBrite, click the Reserve a Spot button and then you’ll see the choices of reservations once you’ve clicked that button – silly of EventBrite to do it backwards, but that’s also what they give us!
I hope to see you there.
