The Seven A’s of Healing: A Journey Toward Wholeness Inspired by Dr. Gabor Maté
When I first encountered Dr. Gabor Maté’s When The Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, his “Seven A’s” of healing resonated deeply with me.
Listening to the audiobook while walking in nature, I visualised my feet planted firmly on the ground. Looking behind me, then forward, I pictured a long, winding, unsealed path appearing. This book helped me clarify where I had already travelled from, how much I had done, and the growth I’d seen in myself, including through writing Resolve. Although I still had a way to go, I realised healing was possible. I couldn’t see the path as having a fixed ending, but it was worth being curious to continue and see where it would lead me. I needed the shake-up that reading this book gave me: to alert me to the risks of unhealed trauma, but it also gave me hope.
These Seven A’s mirrored the path I had walked—sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly—since childhood. Dr. Maté’s work drives home the truth that unhealed trauma doesn’t just affect mental health—it has very real physical consequences. Holding onto unresolved emotions like anger and shame can manifest in serious illnesses. His eye-opening case studies confirmed that healing is both an emotional journey and a physical necessity for long-term well-being.
For anyone impacted by trauma, the 7As provide a powerful and inspiring framework for understanding how trauma affects both mind and body and how healing can unfold—not just for survivors but for their families, too.
Since connecting with Brandy Black, the founding leader of 5Waves.org, I’ve become more conscious of survivor allies, including parents, who want to understand the repercussions of abuse on the child victim turned adult survivor. Brandy’s comprehensive work supports those affected when sibling sexual abuse (SSA) occurs in a family. Brandy asked me to submit a guest blog, which I’ve titled ‘Alice’s Perspective: An Adult Daughter’s Journey’. I believe that will be published soon on their website. In drafting it, Brandy requested I honour their blog’s style and write inclusively, which made me stop and think.
Guides like Brandy make me more mindful that survivors aren’t necessarily alone; some parents and siblings are actively do all they can to support survivors and help heal the family’s wounds of trauma in a healthy, sustainable way.
This is my first blog since speaking with Brandy about that, so I will try it here. I’ll share the Seven As and offer reflections on how they can guide both survivors and their families toward healing.
1. Acceptance: Recognising Reality with Compassion
Acceptance is the first step towards healing. It involves acknowledging the reality of what happened—not just the abuse itself, but its impact on every aspect of our lives. Many survivors, myself included, struggle with minimising the abuse or being in denial. For me, accepting the abuse—without judgment or shame—was the first real step towards freeing myself from the heavy burden of denial.
For families, acceptance means facing the truth, no matter how painful. It requires the courage to acknowledge that family dynamics may never have been as healthy as they seemed, and that’s okay. Healing starts with seeing things clearly.
2. Awareness: Bringing Emotions into the Light
Awareness is about reclaiming our emotional truth. Writing Resolve helped me reconnect with long-buried emotions. Through writing, therapy, and deep reflection, I saw how trauma had shaped patterns in my life I wasn’t even aware of.
For families, awareness involves understanding how trauma manifests in a survivor’s behaviour—whether it be fear, anger, or withdrawal. It means educating yourself about trauma and recognising its impact not just on the survivor, but on the family as a whole.
3. Anger: Releasing What Has Been Held Inside
Unexpressed anger, as Dr. Maté explains, can lead to serious health issues. For me, anger didn’t come naturally, and when it did, it was explosive. In my early drafts of Resolve, my anger poured out onto the page. Releasing it was necessary after years of holding it in.
For families, supporting a survivor through their anger—without becoming defensive—is critical. Anger isn’t about blame; it’s about giving the survivor space to release their emotions in healthy ways.
4. Autonomy: Claiming Power Over Your Own Life
Autonomy means reclaiming power over your own life. As survivors, we often feel powerless, especially during the abuse. Reclaiming autonomy means setting boundaries, practising self-care, and taking control of our healing.
For families, this means respecting the survivor’s boundaries and supporting their decisions. For me, this meant going no contact with the one who abused me, and standing firm, even when other family members disagreed.
5. Attachment: Rebuilding Healthy Connections
Trauma distorts our sense of safety in relationships. Rebuilding healthy attachments has been one of my greatest challenges. Learning to trust again—both myself and others—has been a key part of my healing.
For families, this means showing love and support without overstepping boundaries. It’s about rebuilding relationships based on mutual respect and safety.
6. Assertion: Affirming Your Worth
Assertion is about declaring your worth to yourself and the world. After abuse, many survivors struggle to feel worthy of love and care. Through healing, I’ve learned to assert my worth in my work, relationships, and life.
For families, this means affirming the survivor’s worth and allowing them to reclaim their voice. It’s about supporting them as they step into their power.
7. Affirmation: Embracing Positivity and Growth
Affirmation involves moving toward something of value. Writing Resolve was my act of affirmation—my way of saying, “I have survived, I will use my experience to do good in the world, and I am moving toward a life of meaning and joy.”
For families, affirmation means recognising the survivor’s strength and resilience. Healing may be non-linear, but it’s always possible, and that progress is worth celebrating.
The Path Forward
Healing is a lifelong journey, taken step by step. For survivors, it’s about moving from survival to thriving. For families, it’s about walking alongside the survivor with empathy and support. Dr Maté’s Seven A’s offers a powerful framework for this journey—for survivors and their families.
While writing the final chapters of Resolve, I reflected on the Seven A’s. I had created an A3 poster listing them on my office door, which helped to remind me how much progress I’d made.
Choosing to heal is a brave act because we don’t have a clear picture of the destination. It’s about making peace with what happened and moving toward a brighter, stronger future. In that process, there is hope—not the vague kind, but realistic hope.
Thank you for being here. I hope that my blog is valuable to you and your journey or your work. Please feel free to forward it to someone or via social media so others connect with it who may need it.
I’ll close out with my simple list of calls to action:
- Purchase a copy of “Resolve” today and start your journey towards healing and empowerment. It’s available in all formats, on all online stores internationally. Good news! Resolve is starting to appear on the shelves of brick-and-mortar bookstores!
- Leave a review: If “Resolve” resonated with you or provided valuable insights, consider leaving a review on Amazon, Audible, Goodreads or other online platforms. The links to these are at the top of the page on my website. Your feedback helps amplify the message and reach other survivors and advocates who may benefit from this resource.
- Share “Resolve” with someone you know who may benefit from its insights and perspectives.
- Recommend “Resolve” to your local bookstore, library, school, or community organisation to increase awareness and support for survivors of sibling sexual abuse.
- Invite me to speak at your school, workplace, or event to educate others about the impact of sibling sexual abuse and how we can support survivors.
Please take care and know that you are not alone. You can reach out at any time via my website’s Get In Touch page or my social media profiles.
With love,
Alice
To find the Seven A’s in When the Body Says No, go to Chapter 19 ‘The Seven A’s of Healing’, pp 259-281. Let me know what you take away from that book if you read all of it or just those Seven As. I’d love to hear.
