Leading with Unresolved Trauma: Books That Guided My Journey

When I started my business, I was enthusiastic and determined to create something that would stretch me well beyond my comfort zone. I was doing it for myself and my family. It felt scary, exciting, and empowering. However, beneath the surface, I carried unresolved trauma that I was not yet aware of.

Words of shame almost stopped me in my tracks just as I was about to launch my business. Gossip was delivered to me that my parents had opinions about my capability to be a business owner. Words such as “she doesn’t have it in her” and “who does she think she is,” froze me in place, in hurt, and then fuelled my drive to succeed at any cost. This led to a high-achiever mentality, adrenaline-fueled days, and a constant struggle to balance my work and personal life.

On the back cover of ‘Resolve’, my memoir and guide, are the words ‘Resolve highlights an eclectic approach to healing’. At the time, I would not have considered this as a part of the healing process, but now I realise that there were valuable teachings that contributed to my journey and can assist others in recognising and dealing with similar issues.

Books That Helped Me During My Leadership Journey

1. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey’s seminal work emphasises the importance of personal and professional effectiveness. Here are a few key takeaways:

• Be Proactive: Covey’s first habit emphasises taking responsibility for your actions and reactions. Understanding that you can choose your response to any situation can be empowering, especially for those dealing with unresolved trauma.
• Begin with the End in Mind: This habit encourages leaders to clearly define their vision and goals. For those with unresolved trauma, this can help shift the focus from proving oneself to achieving meaningful objectives.
• Put First Things First: This principle prioritises important tasks over urgent but less significant ones, helping leaders focus on what truly matters and manage their time more effectively.

2. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma

Robin Sharma’s book offers a transformative approach to leadership and life balance, emphasising the need for personal fulfilment alongside professional success. Key insights include:

• The Power of Purpose: Understanding and aligning with your deeper purpose can provide clarity and direction, reducing the need to prove oneself externally.
• Living with Discipline: Developing self-discipline helps manage stress and maintain focus, which is crucial for leaders who might be battling internal struggles.
• Respecting Your Time: Sharma emphasises the importance of valuing your time, which can help leaders set boundaries and ensure a healthier work-life balance.

3. Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and leadership is particularly relevant for those dealing with shame and unresolved trauma. Key lessons include:

• Embracing Vulnerability: Brown argues that vulnerability is essential for true leadership. Recognising and sharing your struggles can build trust and foster a supportive work environment.
• Building Resilience: Developing resilience helps leaders to navigate setbacks and challenges without being overwhelmed by them.
• Cultivating Empathy: Practicing empathy towards yourself and others can transform how you handle interpersonal dynamics and conflicts.

Books and Principles I Wish I Had Known

After selling my company, I discovered two more resources I wish I had known about during my leadership journey. These have become instrumental in my work as a coach and advocate for personal growth and empowerment.

The Power of TED by David Emerald*

David Emerald’s framework focuses on transforming our mindset from a victim orientation to a creator orientation. Key concepts include:

• The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT): Understanding the roles of victim, persecutor, and rescuer, and how to shift out of them.
• The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*): Emphasising roles of creator, challenger, and coach to foster a more positive and proactive approach to challenges.
• 3 Vital Questions: Addressing where you are putting your focus, how you are relating, and what actions you are taking to create better outcomes.

Who Do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want? by Donna Zajonc

Donna Zajonc’s book uses The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*) to guide leaders in becoming their true Creator essence and breaking free from drama-based stories. Key concepts include:

• The Empowerment Dynamic: Shifting from a victim mindset to one of empowerment, where you take ownership of your actions and their outcomes.
• Coaching with Purpose: Using coaching principles to help yourself and others grow, fostering a culture of continuous improvement and resilience.
• Living Authentically: Encouraging leaders to align their actions with their values, leading from a place of authenticity and integrity.

Questions for Introspection

To help identify whether unresolved trauma might be impacting your leadership, consider these introspective questions:

1. What motivates my drive to succeed? Are you driven by a desire to prove yourself to others?
2. How do I handle stress and conflict? Do you find yourself overreacting or avoiding difficult situations?
3. Am I present with my family and loved ones? Are you able to switch off from work and be fully present in your personal life?
4. What are my long-term goals? Are you clear about your vision, or are you reacting to immediate pressures and expectations?

Tips for Moving Forward

1. Seek Professional Help: Therapy or coaching can provide the support needed to address unresolved trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
2. Adopt Structured Frameworks: Utilise the principles from the books mentioned to create a balanced and effective leadership approach.
3. Prioritise Self-Care: Make time for activities that nurture your well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
4. Set Boundaries: Learn to set clear boundaries between work and personal life to avoid burnout and maintain a healthy balance.

Conclusion

Leading a company while managing unresolved trauma is undeniably challenging, but with the right tools and frameworks, it is possible to navigate these difficulties successfully. Books like “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari”, and “Dare to Lead” were invaluable during my journey. They offered practical, actionable strategies that helped me manage stress and build resilience.

In hindsight, I wish I had also known about “The Power of TED*” and “Who Do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want?” earlier. These resources provide powerful frameworks for shifting your mindset and fostering a more empowering approach to leadership. Reach out to me if you would like to explore these further. I can offer you support.

Remember, seeking help and taking the time needed to heal is okay. Your well-being is essential for the health and success of your business. Addressing unresolved trauma and utilising these resources can create a healthier, more productive work environment and achieve sustainable growth.

“Resolve” is a memoir, a guide and resource in one. This book chronicles the courageous journey of Alice Perle, a survivor of sibling sexual abuse (SSA), as she navigates the complexities of trauma, healing, and empowerment. Through candid and poignant storytelling, Alice invites readers into her world, where she confronts the painful memories of her past and embarks on a quest for healing and justice. From the harrowing experiences of abuse to the transformative power of self-discovery and resilience, “Resolve” offers a compelling narrative that inspires hope and resilience. This memoir serves as a beacon of hope for survivors and advocates alike, shedding light on the importance of breaking the silence surrounding SSA and fostering a community of support and understanding. – JMcC, Melbourne, Australia

Have you already read “Resolve”?

If you found “Resolve” insightful, helpful or empowering, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. Your feedback helps other readers discover the transformative journey within its pages and supports survivors on their path to healing and empowerment. To leave a review, visit this “Resolve” product page on Amazon and click on “Write a customer review”. Alternatively, I know that more readers than not prefer to email me a review, as JMcC from Melbourne did. I share those words with their name or anonymously on social media with their permission. To do that, please use this website’s Get In Touch form.

Shared with love,

Alice Perle