‘Holding my own book in my hand, I’ll feel…’
This final Hay House Writing Community program journal prompt was: “Holding my own book in my hand, I’ll feel…”.
I set a timer and wrote in a stream of consciousness for seven minutes in my journal without lifting my pen from the page:
Holding my own book in my hand, I’ll feel… relieved it is out. It survived the long writing and healing journey I committed to. I’ll know that all the words are worthwhile, necessary, not an overshare, and will cause positive change. I’ll feel like crying, a bit or a lot. I’ll feel validated that it happened to me and does not get to be unspoken or tucked away any more. I’ll feel strength in my resolve, that I did share kindly and with the intent to help. I’ll feel anyone is welcome to read the words. I won’t feel sick in my stomach with fear. I’ll have poured my heart, intelligence, and wisdom in and that will have filled the pages, flow from them and help others heal. I’ll have felt I did what I said I’d do. I’ll feel light, it is completely out of my body and my body will have closed over the spaces it took. I’ll feel filled with light and the good intention to serve. I’ll be clear on my mission to carefully seed this information out far and wide. Knowing it can be read far across the world gives me goosebumps. I’ll feel peace, fulfillment and clarity. That’s what I’ve always wanted. I’ll feel my husband, family and friends’ support. I’ll feel no one else’s guilt, shame or blame, that was not mind to hold onto. I’ll have released myself from the shackles of guilt… like I said I wanted to do for other survivors, in my writing. I just needed to start writing and that opened me up to be curious and take my own healing journey. I’ll feel realistic hope that change is possible in others just as much as it has been for me.
From Alice’s handwritten journal notes in 2021 to clarify her vision for writing a memoir.
How did it feel?
The day the Author’s proof of Resolve arrived via post, it was raining and my daughter-in-law and her newborn baby were visiting. She’d brought us sweet tarts to share, with a cup of tea. My husband wasn’t working because of the rain. I brought in the brown postage box I’d collected from our post office box and could feel the emotions tumbling around in my chest. I sat on the lounge with the others and cut through the tape on the box and pulled away the wrapping paper. My throat joined in with the emotional tumbling and my eyes teared up.
I pulled the beautifully designed book out of its box and flicked through it for the first time. Then I laughed, because the first page I randomly flicked open had the words ‘lives within us’ and I knew it was meant to read ‘lies within us’. I groaned inwardly knowing that would need correction, and that I’d need to check once again if anything else was missed!
My daughter-in-law said I can’t believe it’s here, that book has all your words in there. You’ve really written a book. I didn’t have much to say, feeling I needed to be quiet with it. Sitting with Resolve in my hands, I turned it over a few times feeling into the reality it was my book. I’d put my story to good use. My book had arrived. Then I gave it to the others to have a feel of. Afterward I got onto FaceTime to show my other daughters the book in my hands.
It felt like I’d come out of a long tunnel at last, the writing tunnel. I had ducked in and out of that tunnel so many times. I didn’t care at that minute that I needed to do one more proofread, that was easy. What I felt was freedom, peacefulness, joy, and relief. I could breathe out. All that work had produced this beautifully laid-out book for others to benefit from.
Where can you purchase Resolve?
Resolve can be purchased in paperback or as a Kindle eBook at all Amazon stores globally. Available via all online bookstores and may be ordered through libraries or your favourite brick-and-mortar store.
Check out the latest Reader Reviews of Resolve on the US Amazon store here: REVIEWS
Do you live in Australia? You are welcome to purchase Resolve directly from Alice here, signed by the author, with love. All copies purchased directly from the author fund further copies being printed and distributed to community centres and organisations that support survivors of sibling sexual abuse. BUY DIRECT FROM ALICE.
