Weight is Never the Problem

In Resolve, I speak of hypnotherapy I sought out because I wanted to do something about the weight I had accumulated at one point in my life journey! I approached that as a wishful thinking exercise, hopeful that whatever hypnotherapy did, it would make me never be overweight again—like Magic.

I clearly hadn’t had hypnosis before then, and now I have certification as a hypnotherapist myself, so I do have a much greater understanding of how these things work. Back then, I had no idea!

I went to my first session with weight being our topic. Very quickly, our consultation turned to my history of sibling sexual abuse. Then, over the next few months, we moved into more work focused on that trauma – that is all in Resolve.

Cut From the Manuscript

What did not make the final manuscript was based on Tony Robbins’ words ‘you know what… weight is never the problem’. I’d heard him say that years ago and I knew in my heart what he said was true.

Weight is a result of …. what? That’s what I wanted to avoid finding out back then.

Later, actually years later, I listened to an audio series by Tony Robbins again. This was in a series by Chloe Madanes and Tony Robbins titled ‘The Power of You: The Real Path to Lasting Weight Loss.’ In that series, Tony does interventions with five or six women. One of them caught my attention. It was like one of those pin-drop moments of my unique journey towards finding healing from sibling sexual abuse.

The following key messages from The Power of You: The Real Path to Lasting Weight Loss is about Beverly’s realisations of her emotional weight. The words are from a follow-up interview five years after the intervention was done:

Beverly:

Numbing is safe. Numbing means you don’t have to deal with anything. Numbing means you put up walls so high nothing will get through, including joy and love. Now, there is joy and love and it comes so easily…

Diets don’t work. I do want to change and take baby steps. It’s a change of life, it’s not a diet, and it’s not going to happen today or tomorrow. Scales make women cry… To say I want to do this for myself, not for anyone else. Do it in a sane, comfortable manner. Treat myself well, eat right, move. If I do those, my body will get to where I want to go…

I think that when you’re facing something as horrible as incest you need somebody to help you understand or to let you believe that you can handle that… If somebody can give you that wonderful bit, that wonderful push that you gave me, that says, ‘You’re brave and I have faith that you can handle this.’

Tony:

You’re more than anything that could have ever happened to you; you’re more than anything that ever will happen to you; you’re more than your biography.

There’s something inside of you, the spiritual side of us, that when this type of activity happens, when somebody is sexually violated, it’s a spiritual experience. It’s something that affects the spirit, but it doesn’t destroy the spirit.

When we start to believe that, we start to behave that way, and then we live our lives in that place, and there’s no one there to bring us back to what’s true within ourselves.

Beverly:

That is the horror of it, and that people live with it forever and the ones that don’t get treated are going to have problems.
Robbins. Anthony, Producer (2010). The Path to Permanent Weight Loss, Session 2 Beverly: The Power of You, DVD, Robbins Research International Inc.

It was one of those moments in time that I heard someone, for the first time, speak as a survivor of incest. No, not sibling sexual abuse, it was incest that was spoken of. I could see how survivors hold onto weight and I did explore that further for research and for myself. It was a message that stayed with me.

I wasn’t listening to that audio for research.

It was before Resolve evolved. I was listening because, once again, I was worried about my weight. Then I did lose weight on a diet. I was feeling good for a year or two. Then, I began to put the weight back on with stress, numbing, and menopause. Not surprisingly, my project of writing my abuse story down was humming along at the same time.

That few years of writing weighed me down big time in stress, heaviness, and a lack of enthusiasm to move my body. As I exited the dark writing tunnel in 2023, I felt ashamed that I hadn’t shed all the weight and worries that I first envisaged would result from writing my memoir. I’d gained and felt like I’d failed.

No one said anything. Thankfully, our circle is kind. I knew I came out heavier with the fear and stress of putting my personal story out there. Writing sounded like a good plan early on, but gosh, I had to fight through so many fears to get it to the release date!

Moving It To Lose It

Now I’m dancing to Body Groove, getting outdoors, and swimming in the ocean. I ride my bike to coffee and eat a mostly healthy, mostly live and green menu. The grams and kilos are slowly and quietly slipping away. I don’t jump on scales or give myself Jenny Craig kind of menus for a few months! I’m cooking my own way to good health. Choosing to have self-compassion when I do have a rough time. Those times I have whatever it is that I’d like to eat in a comforting kind of way. Yet I do so consciously.

Let me know if this resonates with you. You can reach out via the Get In Touch link on the website. Alternatively, message me on whatever social media platform we’re both on.

Talk to your therapist, doctor, or someone who will listen to you when you say, ‘I know that weight is never the problem‘. We can only start somewhere.

With love,

Alice

Resolve: A Story of Courage, Healthy Inquiry and Recovery from Sibling Sexual Abuse is now available globally on Amazon and all online bookstores. Libraries and bookstores can order copies. Please follow me on Instagram and Facebook. The audiobook is available via over 50 audiobook sites.